Although it may seem like the entire world has had sex, passed their driving test and completed all ‘momentous’ coming-of-age moments by the time they reach university, you would be wrong. If you’re anything like me, you may feel you’ve missed out on these formative experiences, but I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone and that there is nothing wrong with being ‘behind’ your peers.
When I started university, I was anxious about several things: leaving home, making friends, managing money, and the workload, to name a few. However, aside from the typical student concerns, my biggest fears were a little bit different. As someone who hadn’t had sex, been in a relationship, kissed someone, and to top it all off, hadn’t passed their driving test, I was so overwhelmingly anxious about moving to uni. I was settled at sixth form; I had my friends who knew me, and sex and relationships weren’t a big discussion. Yet, when I moved into my flat, I had such nerves about people judging me. I knew there were going to be jokes about my green driving licence, but I was less prepared for jokes about my love life. So much so, that I created a backstory in case anyone asked. I was going to tell people I had shagged someone at a house party when I was 17 but nothing came of it. As expected, there were many, many drinking games that revolved around previous relationships and sexual experiences. The only good thing about living in stinky Westwood was that everyone in my flat was extremely social and my inexperience was overlooked by the large characters, who were all fighting to be the centre of attention (No tea, no shade, love to Q3).
Regardless of my immediate surroundings at university, the social pressure to have sex is still incredibly high. Sex, love, and relationships are everywhere, from songs on the radio and books to television and advertising. Because of this, I felt like I was being ‘behind’ my friends. Consequently, making me feel ‘weird’ or ‘unattractive’ or that there was something wrong with me for not having had sex yet. But the bottom line is that no one really gives a shit what you’re doing in your love life and realistically, if they do, not to be blunt, they’re the weird ones.
So many people come to university not having had sex, but I didn’t know that I wasn’t alone at the time because my peers and I kept it a secret. There isn’t any shame in waiting to have sex with the right person or just someone who makes you feel comfortable. I’m now in my fourth year, I still haven’t had sex and I still can’t drive (legally anyway). And, for the most part, I am very happy and secure in myself. Having sex and being in a relationship isn’t something to rush into. I don’t mean to sound patronising, but I think there are lots of people who were exposed to sex, love and relationships at a young age and have faced so many struggles because of it. Lots of people don’t know who they are without their partners or are scared to be alone in adulthood as they grew up in relationships.
I am a very independent person; I’ve never had to worry or think about anyone else. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get sad I haven’t found my person yet, but I think when they come along, I will be ready to welcome them into my life. I will be ready to live independent lives together. This isn’t to say that there is a right or wrong way to navigate relationships, it’s all down to personal preference or individual circumstances. Personally, I haven’t found someone who I want to be in my most vulnerable state with. And that is okay.
As said perfectly by Tai in Clueless, “You’re a virgin who can’t drive”. But there actually isn’t anything wrong with that, Cher was wrong when she replied, “That was way harsh Tai”.
There is no shame in still being a ‘virgin’ nor is there anything wrong with not being able to drive (#passengerprincess4life). Apparently, even Hugh Hefner didn’t lose his virginity until he was 22 so do not worry everyone, there is still time. These things come naturally when you’re ready for them. In the meantime, have fun with your friends, learn more about yourself and be a career girl boss.