If you’re like me (a hopeless romantic), you’ll probably have enjoyed Dolly Alderton’s ‘Everything I Know About Love’. I’m a newly single 21-year-old who’s spent the best part of her teen years either in love or crying and in love.
Having dealt with the breakup of my last 3 year long relationship with therapy, crying on Southern Rail trains and trying to manifest him back (don’t ask), I decided that 2022 was going to be my first ‘Hot Girl Summer’. However, as is often the case in the modern world of dating, things didn’t go according to plan and I ended up having, what my friends and I now refer to as ‘Goblin Girl Summer’.
I’m going to tell you the story of my terrible dating fails over the past few months as I ventured out into the world of love, having taken 7-8 working months to patch up my broken heart and build up my confidence again.
This tale isn’t too abhorrent to be honest, but I wouldn’t say it’s particularly great either. I’m from Surrey and so most of my dating options when it comes to women and non-binary people are those in South London. However, due to having such a small dating pool, I have unfortunately dated or know someone who has dated the women and non-binary folk of South London. Confused, horny and ready for love, this predicament left me with one other option over the summer: dating apps.
I joined Hinge and was delighted to match with a lady called Lucy…yes that is also my name. We spoke a bit and realised we had loads in common! Values, politics, loving cats, Taylor Swift, environmentalism, caring about mental wellness…. things were looking great, and we were set to go on a date until I realised that, in a very stereotypical queer manner, I had found someone to date who was essentially me. A ‘Copy and Paste’ situation if you will.
Luckily things between myself and my fair friend fizzled out very quickly and so this story remains fairly tame, but I have learnt that two Lucy’s don’t make a right.
This is a real shocker. A friend of mine from the sixth form got in contact with me during the summer and asked me out! We went on multiple dates and had a wonderful time (despite me making various references to poo on the dates, which happens to be a bad habit I’m currently trying to kick).
Anyway, in classic U-haul Lucy fashion, I decided to ask this young man on the third date ‘where he saw things going’, frightened the life out of the poor sod and it all came crumbling down as quickly as it had started.
I came back to uni, started to get on with my life and then I saw that this individual had posted a story on Instagram (having aired my very polite message from two weeks beforehand – definitely not bitter). Anyway, I open his story and saw a delightful photo of the young man with his brother (aw), another of the two of them at the pub (double aw) and then a photo of him snogging his brother. Yes, I know. He sacked me off for his brother.
I wish I was joking but I am truly serious, this man was mouth open, tongue visible, snogging his brother on Instagram. I showed the Instagram story to a friend, and he remarked ‘wow he’s really going in for it with that head grip’ to which I replied ‘he used to kiss me like that…’
The Downright Disastrous
I am incapable of not dating people when the timing just isn’t right. Love it or hate it, dramatic romances really are my favourite! So of course I said yes when I was asked out on a date by someone who was weeks away from moving to Australia (and I was weeks away from coming back to uni for my fourth year).
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he told me that our date was the best of his life, then midway through it that we couldn’t be together because he was going away, he then went back on that by relentlessly pursuing me for a month and a half, he told me I was the love of his life and just when I thought we were finally done with the drama, two weeks after professing his undying love, he got off with his girl best friend in front of me and told me that he and I ‘were in the past’ and I needed to ‘smile that it happened instead of crying that it was over’. I’m thankful to say that Outback Jack has now left the country for Australia and we’re no longer in contact. That being said, he made quite an impression on me as I’ve never experienced going through the motions of an entire relationship with someone in a single summer, all while I’m vaguely emotionally unavailable and dating other people at the same time.
I think the moral of this story is that dating is fun! And absolutely insane… I have some fantastic stories to tell but as a serial monogamist, I definitely didn’t get the summer of love I was craving. Let’s see if I have more luck in my first semester of uni, stay tuned to find out!