Government officially too funny to be real

There is elation in the capital as government figures showed a rise in employment of cartoonists in Westminster now that every party leader is a caricature.

“It’s wonderful news,” said Iain Duncan Smith, with sharp uncompromising features and a frame creaking with the weight of his comically shaped money bags, “it goes to show that the government’s long term economic plan is working.” He promptly stopped before flogging a child stained with coal dust asking for more porridge.

Millionaire privately educated Oxford alumnus David Cameron has also praised the news, saying that “finally, the evil of moderation in politics is no more.”

Meanwhile, newly elected labour leader and beret model Jeremy Corbyn, fresh from singing the Red Star at a pub surrounded by bearded bespectacled idealists with apple macs, took an opportunity to criticise the government, in a move described by critics as “his job”.

With the removal from politics of the world’s shittest pop band, ‘The Liberal Democrats’, and the downfall of the dreaded cabal of effective politicians known as ‘New Labour’, moderation in politics is now as fashionable as a Tory riding club university social. We live in an interesting age for politics, with either side trying to be more polarised than the other, making everyone else look more normal. But never fear, dear reader, moderates never got anything done anyway. If it wasn’t for the extreme right wing views of UKIP and Nigel Farage’s pub landlord character, we would never have started discussing the obvious benefits of immigration; we would have had to carry on relying on facts and scientific studies like we used to.

The news has unforeseen additional benefits, as now lazy bitter satirists no longer have to think hard about avoiding stereotypes.

“Our work has definitely got easier in recent months,” said a miserable pessimist sat with his laptop in his student newspaper office crammed with self-important intellectuals, “but we still have to keep on our toes; just yesterday I wrote a whole paragraph about how I found a broad bean behind my oven that looks like Michael Gove, only for Gove to go and look more like a broad bean than a broad bean does! I had to erase the whole paragraph… ten minutes work… gone!”

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