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exspoof impact: Scientists baffled as birds flee Britain en masse

Reports are coming in of birds fleeing the country; the sky is black, screeching, writhing.

There is no singing in the trees, no song to wake the country this day.

The trees themselves seem restless, as if they are trying to rip up their roots, or to sink further into the earth.

The fields are empty. No one saw them leave, but the deer, the foxes, the mice; all have vanished.

They reach the coast and realise they can go no further. They dive in anyway.

The badgers in particular seemed extremely keen to go.

Meteorologists and scientists say this is what you might expect before an earthquake.

Or an impeding volcanic eruption.

No one seemed to mind though.

Money feels good in your hands.

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