Film critics are angry as famous drinking-glass vandal Leonardo DiCaprio has again been snubbed at the hugely popular selfie awards ceremony, “The Oscars”, or – as it’s officially known – “The American BAFTAs”.
Famous film reviewing YouTuber “Skiffy Clittles” said, “I mean, it’s like The Academy doesn’t recognise talent. I know I’m not really qualified to comment on such a matter – my last video was a top ten of movie sandwiches – but come on!”
Responding to the Academy’s defence that the popular iceberg victim hasn’t appeared in any movies since the last ceremony, the ten-a-penny-opinion white-middle-class teenage-millionaire claimed: “That shouldn’t stop them!”
The Oscars is undoubtedly the most popular film awards ceremony. Famous winners of the Best Actor category have included Jacob Smeg in “A Violent Flush of Colour”, the biopic about the inventor of the flush toilet, John Harington; Norman Titallage in “A Time for Kings”, the biopic about the inventor of The Gannt Chart Karol Adamiecki; Karl Ovariss in “Too Stool for School”, the epic biopic about the pioneer of the Bristol Stool Scale Ken Heaton; and most famously, Adam Spencer Swipe in “Moongame”, the biopic about the founder of South Yorkshire town Carlton in Lindrick, Ralph de Chevrolcourt.
Again – despite not being nominated or starring in a film since Randian thesis “The Wolf of Wall Street” in 2013 – Leo seems to have been overlooked for the Best Man award.
This year’s Oscars was a star-studded ceremony hosted at 03:00 GMT by popular reddit deity Neil Patrick Harris and watched by tens of people in the UK. Highlights included that time where the host probably did something contemporary and “spontaneous” with something that’s trending at the moment. Please change as appropriate: “He [mocked president Obama/tweeted some racist abuse/invaded Ukraine] using a [selfie-stick/hashtag/Barack Obama action figure] accompanied by [Barack Obama/a selfie stick/Joe Biden/Barack Obama]”.
Waiting agonisingly like intestinal worms at a GP clinic, fans of Leonardo were holding hands and kissing floating doors for good luck, only for the Best Actor award to go to Michael Keaton for his incredible depiction of Michael Keaton in the biopic about Michael Keaton; ‘Michael Keaton: The Michael Keaton Story [Or the unexpected virtue of did you know he used to be Batman?]’.
Photo credit: Ninha Morandini