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The University was pleased today to hear that is has absolutely nothing it needs to worry about, after a survey conducted to find out the prevalence of Lad Culture has found that it definitely does not exist and, in fact, isn’t even a real thing to begin with.

Of around 1900 respondents, it was found that not one has ever encountered a single problem with anything to do with Lad Culture in any way, and one even cited that it was probably because everything in the world is so incredibly fair and not at all different according to unimportant factors like gender identity, sexual orientation, or even class status.

One respondent commented: “It’s so wonderful that nobody has ever had to deal with sexist comments about their appearance or inappropriate banter, and that our university is such a totally fair and balanced place to live and work.” The respondent then skipped off into the distance, towards a beautiful rainbow that had appeared as if in agreement with what a totally fair place the world is.

The survey found that in addition to finding out that Lad Culture is not even a thing that anybody should be concerned with at all, that anybody who was in disagreement with this was in fact just overly sensitive and probably should stop trying to bring up so-called valid citations for their disagreements like their ‘lived experiences’. The findings of the survey were compiled by a totally fair and unbiased panel of ten men all named Nigel who were wearing the same Jack Wills shirt, and who were in total agreement with each other because, as everyone knows, different points of view are the worst thing anybody can ever encounter and should be avoided at all costs.

Surprisingly, the survey also had an addendum added that anybody who wished to disagree with the findings of the survey could take their opinions and get over them, as their opinions were probably wrong anyway and they probably just needed to get laid.

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