The University has announced that Student Union President, Jordan Kenny, and the Vice Chancellor of the University, Dame Glynis Breakwell, are to be married on the day of the Summer Ball.
It is hoped that their union will improve ties between the University and the Student’s Union, and create a stronger dialogue between the two institutions.
It is believed that the two first crossed eyes in a ‘Lad Culture’ Senate Meeting, where the VC was impressed by JK’s knowledge and passion on issues such as correct ‘strawpedo’ technique, bathroom hookup etiquette and when it is permissible to use banter.
Since then they have worked together on numerous projects, such as the recent living wage campaign, and despite their potential professional misgivings, found their connection too strong to fight.
In a statement to bathimpact, Jordan Kenny said, “I’m thrilled, simply over the moon. Glynis is a strong and passionate women, it’s been an honour working with her this year, and a privilege to get to know her in a professional and personal manner.
“We’re going to try and keep our work and private lives separate going into the new academic year, but I think this relationship will only serve to improve the dialogue between the Union and the University. Plus we have a deal, for every five Union issues that the University just ignores; she’s going to let me decide where we go for date night, out of two places that she’s picked in advance of course… I mean that’s only fair, she’s paying, we all know her salary, am I right?
After reassuring us that he wasn’t just a gold digger, Mr. Kenny concluded by saying “What I’m really looking forward to is our honeymoon. I think she’s going to break me well, if you know what I mean.”
In a much shorter statement, Dame Breakwell said, “he’s quite pretty and does what I say”.
In other news, 420% of Bath students smoke the dankest kush err’day, and the full results of the Lad Culture survey has revealed that Student’s Union Community Officer Tommy Parker was the winner of ‘Lad Culture’.